Sometimes i feel like i wanna die....it'll do things so much better....make my mum life so much better....poor mum....shit i feel like an idiot crying alone in my neighbour house......luckily no one is here......i'm going for blood test tomorrow...that'll cost me $$$...then the next diabetes check-up is next week....more $$$....my diabetes control stuff is either running low or already been used up....meaning more $$$...then there's handphone bills.....to other people all this don't look that much but to me and my mum....my mum especially that's so damn a lot.....sorry mum for bringing this hell to you...i'm so sorry....i promise to make it up to you some day.....some day.......i feel like if i was never born, my mum wouldn't have suffer now....i know she's proud of me but right now i feeel like i have brought her nothing but misery....i know she would not have thought of that but hey that's what i felt right now....can't help it....i wanna get a job....maybe it would somehow lessen her burden but i know she wouldn't let me.....she said i should focus on my studies......yeah and i didn't do that too....stupid me don't wanna focus and now here i am taking another year....forcing my mum to fork out more $$$.......I"M SO USELESS!!!!!....i hope this feeling would wear out someday....coz i hate feeling guilty....i know i shouldn't ask a lot but i really hope life would turn out for the better for my mum....i think my mum had already handled enough.....she has suffered enough......no more....
Hanim