I have a confession to make

I have a fear of school and change of environment..I don't know how's that possible but it's been like that since beginning of P5....

I use to have Grandma for protection and assurance...but now...

God...I hate this panic attack feelings

I still miss my Grandma terribly...

I have somehow can't get over some stuff/events that escalates to her passing away...i blame myself for stuff which I knew is pre-destined and I know that it's not in my hand...but please tell me why it hurts so much...I cried in the bus...in my sleep...at work...I can't take this anymore...

Truth is...I don;t know what's happening to me and what's gonna happen to me

Hanim