When I was younger(ahem ahem than I already am), I remembered how these phrases are always repeated...."Jangan bilang mak aku"..."Kalau mak bapak aku tau, mati aku" "Jangan ade orang nampak sudah..lagi-lagi makcik-makcik aku seh"... Sounds familiar? Yes I am talking about bgr,boy girl relationship aka gerpen boipen la. The one thing in the mind of teenagers ,well at least during my time, is not to let the older folks know..because all it spells are just disaster...verbal diarrhoea of how young you are and you should focus on education, on studying and what if something bad happen to you...yada yada yada.
But as you get older, I realised its ok for your significant half to meet your family, join in for family events/get-together and somehow be part of your family. And the question is, when is it ok for your other not-married-to-you-yet-nor-engaged half to actually be buddy-buddy with the family. It doesn't mean you are gonna get married to that person eventhough you are already over 20...coz we know it ain't over till the Tok Kadi say sah..but yet it's ok. Isn't it a lil hypocritical. 5 years earlier, when you're 15-16,the older folk will go crazy when you bring home the opposite sex partner/lover home(I'm assuming none of us are gay) but when you reach 20 and above...it's all good and dandy coz the asumption here is that, the person is probably who you're gonna get married to. Being 20 and above doesn't guarantee you're matured enough to know who you are bringing home and making life choices nor does it mean being 15 means you immatured. I know the principles of better be safe than sorry is in play here but still... I think Malay parents should be more open...in fact Asian parents. Why not let your teenagers bring home their partner to meet and get acquainted with the family rather than having them outside doing god knows what. If it's ok for us to meet our older child partner though marriage is not in the way, why isn't it ok for us to meet our teenagers partner....coz let's face it...they are going to get involved in a relationship if they want to....with or without our consent.
So rather than enforcing our view that education is important and relationship should only be left to "adults", I think it's wiser to be proactive. We should change with time and insyaAllah by being more open with the teenagers relationship and being able to talk about the pros and cons of relationship and intimacy with both your child and their partner, we can at least prevent them from delving into unhealthy activities.Don't you think so? Be open, but of course not that open...coz if you're those parents who will actually let the other half stay overnight...hmmm....let's hope you make the right choice.
Hanim