I would say I am burnt out but when I think about it really, I don't think I deserved to call myself burnt out. It's just pure bad time management and blank mind influenced by the shit that is happening around me.

But netherless, I do think I am burnt out and stressed to the utmost limit. Coz yesterday on the bus ride home, I found myself thinking about suicide then about repeating this sem then about taking a year off from school and coming back later feeling, hopefully, refreshed then about planning to graduate this sem and find some other job apart from teaching so I won't be burdened with schoolwork for once then about how I don't want to burdern myself in the future with the what-ifs if I hadn't stayed for honours.God I am so stressed out I want to cry there and then so the next best thing I did was to istifar continously the remaining journey home. Of which when I reached home, I told myself I need humour and thus it was Tv the whole time and then sleep. I hope it stops there but no. During my attempt to sleep, all was in my mind was globalisation and the malays. Fuck! I have never tossed and turned so much in my sleep.

And here we are. I am at home now, this morning for once in 2 weeks. Trying to make myself very happy by making myself a hearty breakfast and told myself I shall watch TV till 11am, just to make myself happy and carefree. I couldn't care less about the datelines, coz right now fuck datelines, I am not going to meet them anyway. So wish me luck. let me finally put this globalisation and Malays essay to rest so that I can finally go to the next assignment about happiness though I am sure it would not make me any much happier, much less happy.

God, 6th May 7pm. The moment you come into my life, I am going to kiss you and never let you go.

Hanim