Me and Erna were googling birthday and friendship quotes today for our friend's birthday.
I saw a few friendship quotes which is really really sweet and touching to say the least and birthday quotes which, if you think about it, holds many truth.
One quote though really stand out for me. It's not my 1st time seeing that line. I first saw it last year for my birthday gift, of which it was Norman who wrote:
Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.
I was going through some rough patch then( unfortunately still do though), what with life and responsibility, and to see that quote makes me feel good for a moment. Like how many people will tell you that. They always say "grow up", but what if I don't want to grow up. I am not saying I want to be a kid forever . I know my responsibility, I know my standing in life, family and society.All I am saying is,let me be who I want to be, coz at the end of the day I know what I am supposed to do. I don't think knowing what is expected from you requires you really to grow up. You know why I hate the idea of growing up.Coz to me, it means..you seem to look forward to the end of the story, the end result. You worked because at the end, you know you want to get paid. You socialise, coz at the end of the day, you want to broaden up your network..just in case wink wink*rolls eyes*. You pray coz at the end of the day, you want to be in Heaven with God. You lived, knowing that death is looming..I am not denying that all this is true or that I want neither of these. But what irks me is the process. It is all wrong. Yes you want money, networks and whatever before death comes knocking. But what happen to savouring the moment, living as it is, without being too preoccupied with the consequences, the end result. Remember when you're a kid. You lived life for the moment. You play catching because you want to play.Not because you want to see how many thiefs you can catch at the end of the game. Life is a simple equation really. It's the process of growing up that screws it all up.
But who am I kidding right. At the end of the day, we all grow up. Coz there's a thing called responsibility that screws us all over.
So to you dear friend, who just turned a year older, I would really like to mean it that growing up is optional but I can't. It is a line that can bring temporary comfort to you, I hope. But eventually we all know we have to grow up. But I hope and pray that you are able to live life too, as it is, like how we were back then in kindergarten. Remember the finger paintings we did, the masak-masak game we played, the happiness we thought we had in our hands. Remember the simplicity we once knew. And I hope that will bring comfort to you. For all of us.
Sorry if I am a little edgy today. But it's just that, the idea of responsibility has been weighing a lot on my mind. Plus a few shocking and some upsetting incidences. And for some reason, I know something is coming up. I can feel it in my gut, something is wrong. My eyes has been twitching non-stop like for a couple of weeks and it increases these past few days. And it does not help that I have 2 medical appointment this week. Tomorrow at Alexandra Hospital and Friday at CCK polyclinic.( by the way, anyone free, please get to me, I am scared shitless to think I have to go alone to any of these places. AH tmrw at 9, CCK on friday at 3 I think.) Hospital scares me. Seriously. I have forego 3 of the same bloody appointment the past few months and I am just afraid that I will forego it again tomorrow.
Just pray for me ok.
I really just need some happiness.That lasts.
Hanim