I just watched Kelly Clarkson performed Because of You on Oprah and it caused tears in my eyes.Because its really something I can relate to. No it's not because of a guy, it's because of a man who long ago decided that he doesn't want to be part of my life. The man whom I grew up thinking I do not need him but realised that everything I am now is because of him.

I finally asked my mum that day about him, after 23 years. I asked her how was he when I was born. And she said, reluctantly, that he was never there, that 1 year supposedly he was still there., he was never here. He didn't even want to carry me coz I was too fair,coz I looked nothing like him. I thought I would be ok hearing that, since he was a nobody to me now.But it hurts. It hurts like crazy. Your own flesh and blood and you refused her.

Your the cause of my pain, do you know that. You're the reason why I am so protective of myself. Of why I am afraid to be hurt and when I do get hurt, I get hurt bad coz I never learnt how to bounce back, coz your absence never taught me to do that. And now I have to carry this with me, throughtout my whole life,coz you're never coming bac,aren't you.. and you're never going to give me that closure I have to find, for myself.

Thank you....Dad.Thank you.

I guess what they say is true. Ignorance is bliss. Some questions are just not meant to be answered.

Coz the truth hurts.

Hanim