Bear with me...
Have you ever felt a sudden pang of sadness in your heart? Don't get me wrong,the day started out well, what more with the Kumar show, which by the way was hi.la.rious.We got great seats and I do mean great seats. But when it's finally time to go home after much catching up..as I sat there alone at the bus stop.. it came to me.. that sudden feeling of loneliness. I felt alone. I really really did felt lonely. And that pain that comes with it, astaghfirullah it was unbearable. I sat through the journey home trying to brush off the feeling but the attempt is futile. The more I tried to put it away, the more painful it got. And I honestly cannot explain what had happened or why I felt that way. There was just this pain residing in my heart which I really can't fathom nor explain. Why, seriously why do I feel that way? It was sudden and it really felt like it came out of nowhere. As I struggle with my thoughts and my feelings, the tears just flow. For once in my life, I found myself tearing at the interchange, in the public alone. I felt like an imbecile. But I can't fight it. Why, why am I feeling this way... I am surrounded with the people I love, I am surrounded with people I care aren't I but why do I feel like I was stuck here alone. As I sat there in the next bus, homeward bound,all I could do was to istighfar and asked that He will take this pain away and never to put me through it again.... I have never felt so alone in my life before and I don't want to feel this way again. Oh God please God, don't make me feel this way again.I seek your grace. It was unbearable and honestly...it's still is.
Hanim