This has got to be the most stressful exams of my life!
I think I totally screwed up MOnday's paper where I spent too much time on the 1st question, so there goes for my aim for an A, in fact even an A-, or worst still... I shudder at the thought of getting anything less than a B. Tuesday paper was not bad but I don't think I answered the first question well and besides, the class is doing pretty well so with 18 people in the class, I am sure there's going to be some moderation, cumulative shit done...so again there goes my aim for A. And today's paper...OH MY GOD! I finish the paper with a sigh of relief. I think I did pretty well so I was quite sure my possibility of getting an A- is pretty high(Forget A, I barely do any work in the class anyway)and then *cue dramatic music* I realised I forgot to answer the second part of the 2nd question. In my rush to go to the 3rd question first, I forgot to return back to the previous one and complete the other half... Fuck! There goes my A-.... and hopefully the consequences won't be that bad...AHHHHHH!!!! Funny thing is, I really did entertain the idea of basically getting that passing grade but man, it will be SO swweeeetttt to get that elusive A across my results slip. Perhaps, subconsciously, there is such thing as the kiasu Siti, perhaps I really want to graduate with a BANG or perhaps it just sucks to know you could have gotten better results if you hadn't been so muddle-headed or *mumbling* not be so lazy. Ahhhhhh!!!!!!
To my friends who kept getting irritating smses everytime I finish my exams, I'm SO sorry. =) But thanks , seriously thanks.... Whining to someone or some people really helps me to get the... I don't know... disspointment? heartache? out of my system. Ok you see...here's what usually happens to me once I finish exams...You can call it some sort of a bi-annually ritual I do, I guess.. Right at the end when they say put your pen down, it could go both ways. Either, I will have a smile on my face or a frown. Either way, I'll next go into the "recalling what I've answered in my paper" phase. It's some sort of my version of double checking and assuring myself if the answers are acceptable or depressing myself for not answering it as well as I should. Then it's the whining to people phase of which some of you have the displeasure to be involved in. Haha.... I will whine whine whine until I get it all out of my system and then I move into the recovering from shock phase.Here residual anger, disappointment and heartache lingered around for a bit more but I am well on my way to the last stage. Ok, this stage used to be letting go stage. But this year, I've added a new element to it. I go into letting go plus positivism stage where I try to think positively ala "the secret" style. The secret you ask? Go google it or watch Oprah past episodes. It's where you try to project good thoughts and your desires to the cosmic world. It's some mambo jambo science-cosmic-shit thing. Something like wish good things and good things will come to you if you have the right attitude as this will cause particles around you to vibrate and you sent out good vibes to the cosmic world and the cosmic world will reciprocate. Yeah I know, sound shitty. But hey, I do this not really because of Oprah or the magic of "the secret" but really it's something my grandma had taught me since I'm young. She always say " mintak yang baik, dapat yang baik". I still hold on true to it and I am sure, with God's willing, everything will be alright. Just gotta have faith. So there you go. If only I could have invested more time on studying for the exams instead of spending so much trouble going through the 5 phase of post-exam blues. Haha... I sound like I've just went through the 5stages of grief...Hahaha...
3 down and 2 more to go... Monday paper is seriously not the paper I want to sit for...but alas, such is life. Revivalism *shudders* But, the sooner I finish the the exams, the faster I reach the end of my undergrduate life....Woohoooo! Jangan jealous ah yang lain masih blum nak graduate but no worries...your time will come...just a bit slower....ho ho ho...
4 more days baby!!!!!!!!!
Hanim