I've always have my brave face on, my happy face on everyday because that is just me. I like to be happy. It's so much nicer to be happy. But no one knows what shit I have to go through sometimes. And honestly I am so bloody tired. I am so bloody tired to be the responsible one here when it's not my responsibility in the first place. I am so bloody tired to pretend to laugh and smile just so I can make you feel good about yourself so that it buys me time. I am so bloody tired to be the parent coz you are clearly unfit to be so. I am so bloody tired to make you stay grounded because I fear your outburst will cost me, not you, dearly. I am so bloody tired to think of ways to make you more comfortable coz I fear I will lose you sooner than I want to. I am so bloody tired to think of ways to keep me live longer but failed countless of times coz damnit shit keeps pilling up.I am just too bloody tired la damnit.

I desperately needed someone tonight. A familiar voice. Someone who knew. A voice of reason. An avenue for an escape. But of course, you were nowhere to be found and who am I to intrude anyway right?

Fuck it. Fuck this whole thing.

Hanim